It Hurts Me Too. Literally.

Ok, so we are 3 episodes in and Alan Ball is 1 for 3.  I was epically disappointed with “It Hurts Me Too.”  I can’t pinpoint the exact reason for my dislike but it just didn’t sit well with me.  Don’t get me wrong, there were good points, but on the whole I was disappointed.  I think part of the problem was I knew what the “twisted” sex scene was I was waiting for it the entire episode.  It was all I cared about and it was very disappointing.  After the bloodly bed sex, I was anticipating some severe Exorcist sex with crab legs, bodily fluids and venom spitting dialogue.  Not that pansy shit where she yells, he shoves, she yells some more, they rip each others clothes off and he twists her head.  We barely got any of the good shit and it was creepy, not hot, with him humping while her head was the other direction.  Woo, you did bad.  No more woo woo for Woo.

The episode starts off with that first clip we saw AGES ago with Eric wrestling the Were on the floor in Sookie’s house.  “WHO SENT YOU?”  You know I so said that out loud when Eric said it.  HA!  Eric takes the bullet to distract the Were, they fight, blah, blah, Sookie hears Jackson and then Eric does his thing and rips the Were’s throat out.  Was it me or was “got your rug all wet” just about the nastiest and hottest thing Eric has said yet on the show.  There must be something wrong with me since 2 of my favourite scenes of Eric are when he had blood running out of his mouth.  He’s all messy and sounds like he’s just had the best sex of his life.  Not to mention that smile he gives Sook.  Hmm…maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me.  Getting Eric all nasty and sounding like he’s satisfied?  I think something would be wrong if I didn’t like that.  Eric’s still rocking that leather jacket and bringing the sexy swagger and the dumb bitch is still being fucking picky.  Really, not much time has passed since he offered up the passionate and primal sex, probably like 10 minutes, but she’s still holding out on him.  I’d be a puddle.  Fucking Sookie is still being a stupid picky bitch.  She only wants Eric on her terms and playing like that around a vampire is never a very smart move.  She’s going to have that proven to her next episode.  Then she’ll be the one who’s left all unsatisfied.

Well, fuck a zombie! Bill actually DID get the drop on Lorena and lit her ass on fire.  That surprised me.  Lorena needs to step it up and be more aware!  That’s twice, that we’ve seen, that Bill has injured her.  Two times too many if you ask me.  Bill’s an extremely ungrateful progeny.  Ok, she did take him from his family, which we got to see, but gave him something really amazing in return.  I’ve never seen such a mopey vampire, EVER!  Even Louis from Interview With a Vampire embraced himself and he was a whiny bitch.  Speaking of Bill’s family, BORING!  Yes, we get that he is pining for his mortal life but we didn’t need like 10 full fucking minutes of it.  Some may have liked seeing Bill’s tormented past but I so could have done without it.  We all knew he was going to take Russell’s offer after Russ made a point of turning Sookie.  He’d do anything to protect that blood bag and if that means leaving her then he will. K, I really don’t believe that last sentence.  I think he does love her but doing anything to protect her?  Doubt it.  What’s going on through Bill’s head?  Does he really think that he will be able to over come Russell, Lorena, Franklin and Talbot to escape back to Sookie?  Idiot.  Lorena will probably have a change of heart and help him get back to Sook but she won’t want him after the big bad.  And after she finds out that he boned Lorena again?  That’s going to go over real well.  And Eric will be there to pick up the pieces.  I can’t wait!  Speaking of Talbot, I LOVE HIM!  He is the best new addition this year and just love that he was more concerned with the tapestry.  So amazing.  He needs his own episode and flashbacks.

Ok, what the fuck was with the Dementor sex between Tara and Franklin?  That was the stupidest sex scene I have ever seen.  This: Looks like this:

Seriously?  Woo you are losing your touch.  That was so unbelievable idiotic and then Franklin utters the amazing line of “you lost yourself to the void.”  OMFG what the fuck was that?????  I just about threw up my Tru:Blood, ran to the TV and kicked it.  You are not endearing me to Franklin the way I want to be endeared.  He does make up for it (a little bit) when he decides to play puppet master with the Dead Trucker’s head.  THAT was brilliant.  He’s so not going to be a good influence on Jessica.  Love it.  He’s so not going to be a good influence on Tara.  Don’t love it.

I’m going to skip past all the parts with Jason, Sam & the Mickens.  Boring, boring, boring.  Just don’t care enough about the Mickens, which is sad because I really like Sam, and Jason was inconsequential.  I did like the fact that Eric shows up in the red convertible but that it’s not a Corvette but a Ferrari California and he gives to Lafayette.  I really like those two together, just don’t ask why I do.  Don’t know.  Why am I happy that he gives the car to Laf?  I don’t see Eric driving such a flamboyant car.  I always thought that a red Corvette was too…pansy for a Viking Vampire.  He needs to drive an Audi R8, Aston Martin DBS, fuck even a Maserati (which I hate).  He needs a cool car and let’s face it a Corvette is not cool.  Ferrari’s are cool, but the California is a chick’s Ferrari and Eric is so not a chick.  I do realize there are cooler cars than a DBS or an R8, but I’m going on what Eric could afford.  He’s rich, but I don’t think he’s Gumpert, Zonda or Veyron rich.  We’re branching into Tony Stark $$$ here and Eric is no Tony Stark.

We finally got to see Alcide in this episode and holy shit Joe is fine.  A total departure from the sexiness of Alex and Stephen, which is a good thing.  He’s sex in such a rugged way it makes me want to go live with him in a log cabin where we have to fuck to keep warm in a bed made of timbers.  We’d wake up in the morning, bone to warm up, he’d go chop wood and kill things to eat, I’d cook said dead things, we’d bone some more since there was no wood to chop, eat, bone again, eat and then bone before going to bed.  *Sigh* That’d be the life.  Alcide doesn’t seem the the sharpest knife in the drawer (he did let Sookie get almost raped) but who needs brains when you look like that.  Now let’s get his shirt off.

I can’t wait for the next episode, which I’m hoping is better.  It better be amazing since we have to wait 2 whole weeks for it rather than just a week.  We get the craziness that is Debbie Pelt, THE phone call (in which I think Bill tells Sook he’s back with Lorena), Sookie trying to bed Eric (after said phone call), Jason being a bad ass, THE MAGISTER (!!!!!!), Pam getting cut open, Sookie in a wig (yawn), Bill wanting to kill Eric and Franklin glamouring Tara.  It HAS to be better!!!  Below is the promo for 9 Crimes.  Squeeeee!

Also, here is the promo for Trouble.  HBO accidently (on purpose?) released this juicy little trailer.

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